I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
