Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
