What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
