dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
