So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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