I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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