At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
