It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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