dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
