I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
