So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
