Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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