your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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