Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
