Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
