You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
