Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
