We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize