I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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