I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
