oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
