I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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