So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
