It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
