i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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