I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
