he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
