I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
