True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You can't just leave with hair like that
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
