So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
