i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
