What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I think my moral compass just broke
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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