I understand Curling. That high.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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