apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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