i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Oh god it's open bar.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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