i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
