Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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