Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
