Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
