im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
