If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
