I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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