If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
