I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
