My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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