dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just gargled with NyQuil
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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