A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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