I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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