i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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