420 ftw
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
