I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
