remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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