They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
