cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Welp...herpes.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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