I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
