I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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