Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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