I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
