It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
