i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
