Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
