So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
