I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
