I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Found the puke drawer
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
