Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
