your thong is hanging out like whoa
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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