I am in a vortex of obligation.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
