So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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