I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
