Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
