I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize