mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
