Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
