My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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