peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
