Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My nipple is on Facebook.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
