Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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